Add one more Gold Star to the Board!

Grab a beer, it's gonna be a long one.  It's been a big week/day/afternoon.


Ok, got it....good.  I got mine.  It's delicious.  (I also grabbed some meatballs and mashed potatoes...mostly because I'm hungry)

I was going to blog last night, but it got too late and I was tired; so I didn't.

I had a meeting with Supervisor yesterday, mostly a monthly check-up, talk about my proposal, finalize my committee, hand off an assignment to mark, discuss how I can crush souls - that sort of thing.  A quick meeting turned into an hour, but we got a lot done.

He brought up 3 words that most Master's students don't want to hear in the same sentence: "fast-track, comprehensive and Doctorate".  It really took me for a loop.  I know I want to do a Ph.D.  I know that he knows that I want to do a Ph.D.  He knows that I know that he knows....well, you get it.  We both know that's the direction I'm headed to, but I haven't really made up my mind about how I want to get there and where I want to be.  I thought about it for the evening, had it running in the background, sleep on it kind of thing.  (He also dropped the F-bomb in front of me, apologized and then dropped the S-bomb instead.  I retaliated with "Fuck, I won't tell anyone if you won't".  We smirked.  I wanted to high-five.  I have this feeling that there will be many more F-bombs dropped in the future when discussing marking and whiney undergrads.)


Last night's teaching class was more touchy-feely, warm and fuzzy talk about our feeling bullshit.  I hope it changes soon.  Like, really soon.


Now switching gears....join me.


This morning, when I put on my pants, I knew it was going to be a good day.  At the beginning of the month, I went through my jeans inventory and found that I have a lot of jeans, but they don't fit too well.  I looked into fitness programs and started the C25K running program.  I'm kind of conflicted about it, mostly because the only time of day I can make running work is somewhere in the ballpark of 5 to 7 AM.  Yuck.  On the other hand, I was able to easily slide into a pair of jeans that I wasn't able to 3 weeks ago.  WIN!  I'm 4 weeks in, and I think it's stuck.  Seeing results sure helps keep me motivated though.


Next WIN of the day.....the custodian trying to get me a sweeter office.
I bumped into him on one of my "thinking hurts walks" and he mentioned that my office looks like a jail cell and I need something nicer.  I told him that the jail cell was a fort and that I'm just fine.  He was pretty adamite, so I thought I'd humor him, and I needed to talk with Supervisor anyways, so we ventured upstairs and he tried convincing him that I need a sweeter office.  We also need space for 2 more grad students in our group, so it all kind of works out.  Either way, the custodian got talking about how awesome I am and how I'm kind of a mentor and all that sweet stuff, which was really flattering...and Supervisor agreed and kind of one-upped him.  He mentioned that I'm really impressing the team over in Kinesiology and Medicine too.  Sweet.  When I heard it, my face turned into my "Really!?  Awww, shucks" look - complete with shoe-shuffle on the floor, he gave me a stern look and said "Yeah, you have no idea."


Now, this tells me a little bit more, seeing as the "team in Kinesiology" is lead by Supervisor's Wife.  Not that I wasn't expecting it, but now I have proof.....I guess they talk to eachother......about me.....ahhhhh.....My head asplode!  Like I needed more pressure.   

Back to the story...and time to re-beer.

We looked at the rooms, talked assignments, negotiated shelf installation....which would be awesome....and I asked him about the accelerated program thing.  He said that it's up to me, but he wouldn't have mentioned it if he didn't think I could hack it.  He added that I'm doing an impressive job, far beyond what is expected of any Master's student and he has no idea how I manage to keep everything balanced and stay sane.  I replied with "Dude, have we met.  I'm a certain breed of crazy."  "Yeah, but it works for you."

I would consider that a Superstar moment.  Superstar score.....Dena - +1.  The Superstar called me a Superstar.  Sweet. Our research team is no longer MoBiL (Musculeskeletal and Biomechanics Lab Group), we're team Superstar - now I just need to bring in the research dollas.  Dolla, dolla. 

Sometimes you don't really realize how awesome you actually are until someone who's more awesome says that you're awesome.  My new goal.....spread more awesome.

Not so touchy-feely....

I'm taking a teaching class this semester.  I figure it's an insurance policy.  Teaching isn't my favorite thing in the world.  I'm not "passionate" about teaching.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but it's not my "passion".  Engineering and problem solving is my "passion".  Bone research is my "passion", not teaching.  I am a realist though, and I know that if I'm going to be a researcher affiliated with any University, I'll have to teach.  I hate to put it this way, but if I'm going to be a Professor, I'm going to have to teach.....duh.  Bottom line, I know what's coming so I'm taking a class to get the training, or at least to say that I have some sort of training.  I just hope it's an asset when it comes time to use it.  

Thing is though, even if the class is 1/2 Engineering grad students, the other half is artsy and touchy-feely.  I'm not a fan of touchy-feely.  It might not be the breakdown of what the students are studying that gets to me though.  I think it's the whole "no experience in the Real World" storyline coming up again.  Mostly because the touchy-feely students seem to be looking for hard and fast answers for questions that you really can't give hard and fast answers to.  They're the kind of questions that only you can answer for yourself and you have to deal with what you're given.  Real World kind of shit. 
They ranged from:
"How do you balance research, classes, teaching and real life?" 
"How do I know that right now is the right time for me to take this class?" 
"What do I do if my students don't like me?"
"How do I get to know my students?"
"How do I deal with trouble students?"

All valid questions, but honestly you can solve them yourself with a little bit of creative and independent thought.  This kind of questions really bothers me, mostly because you're looking to me for an answer, and I honestly can't give it to you.  You have to figure that one out by yourself.  I think they were looking for hard and fast answers, but as far as I'm concerned, when it comes to touchy-feely stuff like this, there are NO hard and fast answers.  You have to do what you can with what you have in the situation.  Real World and Life Experience kind of stuff.  Maybe I'm just wiser beyond my years - it doesn't explain the stupid shit that I've done though......

I'm not very "zen".  I'm kind of a basket-case to be honest.  When it comes to crap like this though, I'm very zen, and realize that there is no "answer".  I also understand that unless you're ready to accept the answer, you won't find it.  Kind of like a Yoda/Jedi kind of thing.  "The teacher will come when you are ready", "Use the Force".....that kind of shit.  I dunno, I'm pretty sure I get it.  I think that I may get quite frustrated with having to sit through "OK, let's talk about our feelings" for 3 hours every week. 

I have a pretty good idea of who I am, what I value, where I set my priorities, how I want to be perceived and what my expectations are.  I don't always meet expectations and am not always perceived how I want to be, but when I fuck up, I have a decent understanding how and why. 

The only thing I still don't have a grasp on is why I'm still single.......

How do you manage to keep your job???

This is a story about Administrative Assistants who can't Administrate and are not incredibly Assistive. 

I don't get along very well with our Grad Secretary, mostly because we're both pretty jaded and crusty.  The difference between her and I is that my job does not require me to assist people and it really doesn't matter if I'm pleasant. 

When I first signed up for this Grad Studies crap, she sent me on the run-around for signatures and then wouldn't let me register for classes until after classes had started.  This was a problem when it came to applying for student loans.  Not helpful.  That was just a taste of what was to come I guess.  I should have seen the next two coming. 

The second time she managed to "forget" to invite me to Seminar, which only happens once a year, for an entire day.  You have to attend Seminar to get your degree.  I was a little panicked, and I didn't find out that I had missed it until the next day, when Brian managed to ruin a good Steak-Day Wednesday by asking about how I managed to talk my way out of going to Seminar.  Now, because of her oversight, I have to go out of my way to get a letter signed by my advisor when I get the chance to go to a conference.  Thanks useless secretary. 

The third time she screwed up my record was Friday.  She also almost screwed up another record in my research group.  Here's the background:  Monday was the last day to change timetables and classes.  I thought I had all my shit figured out over the summer.  I did the run-around to get signatures I knew I needed, then stopped in at the office to make sure that everything was kosher at the beginning of the term.  She said it was all fine and she can get all the info she needs from PAWS.  Turns out she forgot to mention that everything wasn't kosher and I still needed to to the run-around to get signatures....and here's the kicker.....I had 3 hours to do it, mostly because it was Friday and she wanted to go home early.  Turns out the joke was on her because of the 4 signatures I needed, only 1 happened to be on campus last Friday.  Either way, she's managed to piss me off a few times. 

I think having a crusty attitude and not informing students about deadlines is a requirement for Grad Secretaries.  I just hope that she doesn't fuck shit up when it comes time for me to hand in my approved thesis. 

***This post is vague and less ranty than usual because I was so mad that I needed 4 days to cool down.  Sorry for the boring.****

Changing directions

Well, on Monday I handed the first phase of my proposal to my advisor for proofing.  Monday night when I couldn't sleep, I made the mistake of reading more journal articles.  After reading the article, I realized that there's a much simpler way to validate my approach and results than what I had written in my proposal.  Tuesday morning I e-mailed my advisor and told him I'm wanting to take a change in direction.  I haven't heard back..... It's Thursday......

It could be a few things; either he's crazy busy (which I'll believe), he knew it was coming (which would be just fine with me), he agrees with me, he doesn't really care or he was going to change it anyway. 
I'm not too worried.  I'll just feel better with myself if I can present a document that is more complete in my eyes. 

I bumped into Kira this morning and she told me, "If your thesis ends up being exactly what you wrote about in your proposal, you're the UNIQUE one."  I guess she's right.  Research and directions change depending on what you're able to find out.  I'm cool with that; I just wish I could make up my bloody mind.

I should buy a Lottery Ticket!

There are very few people that I take an instant liking to.  Now, don't get me wrong, I like a lot of people; Hell, you could even say that I love lots of people.  It usually takes me a bit of time though.  I hate to say this, but it took me about 6 months for my future sister-in-law to grow on me.  (Chelsey, I love you to bits, but I think it's because I knew you were sticking around for a while ;) )

The last person I remember taking an instant liking to was my adviser....and Unc'y John.  Today, I've added another person to my "Instant Like" column.

Today started with my Research Methods class.  I figured it was going to be pretty awesome, simply because my supervisor's wife teaches it, and she's pretty cool...almost as cool as Supervisor.  I sat in class, started small-talk with supervisor's Wife and this girl came up to me and asked if there was anyone sitting in the seat beside me.  I told her that there wasn't and didn't think too much of it and didn't really feel like making small talk.....I have enough friends, I don't need anymore.  Apparently I was dead wrong.

We started introducing ourselves and the girl next to me, L., gave her introduction just before me.  Now, Supervisor mentioned that there was another student coming in this fall to do some femur work.  Turns out, it's L.

Supervisor dropped by after class, and the 3 of us got chatting.  He'd asked me to take L. under my wing and kind of act like a mentor for her, mostly to help her out with whatever documents she needs, getting used to campus, ins-and-outs, that sort of thing.  He also told me about another conference that I should submit an abstract to....Level Up!  I said that it would be no problem to help L. out.  Good call on my part.

We had a seminar this afternoon too, and I feel like such a groupie when I say this but, I got to sit beside L.  I don't know what it is, but some people just have an air of competence about them.  I think I took an instant liking to her because she seems really, really, really competent - which is rare for the best of grad students.  We talked a little more after seminar...Supervisor's Wife convinced me to do a seminar talk in a few weeks (I'm kind of a superstar now :D)...and I really like this new kid. 

I really don't know what it is, but I'm crazy excited to work with her.  Our last summer student is joining our team as an M.Sc. this fall, and don't get me wrong - I'm really looking forward to working with her too - but I just didn't get that same vibe with her as I did with L. today.  I'm kind of looking forward to our class together tomorrow morning so I can get to know her a little better.  (Now I think I know how some other people feel when they meet me for the first time.....it's a pretty incredible feeling.)

I'm going to see how the year goes, and I know that I've been planning to do my Ph.D. elsewhere, but I'm wondering if I could stay with the same research team, just get a different campus to work on.  I have a feeling that our research group is going to "Go Places" this year.  I'm the Canadian student in the group (I don't like to stereo-type, but stereo-types exist because they are mostly true), so I feel like I'm the weak link....but DUDE....I'm a SUPER STAR!!  (To date, the count is 1 submitted paper, 2 more in the works, 2 submitted abstracts and 2 seminar invitations....not too shabby for 8 months in.)  I have a feeling that I'm really into something good, and it's not just me and my ability to pick 'em right, it's like a perfect storm of awesome!

On another note - more comedic than anything - I received a letter from PETA asking me to sign a petition for them.  I also joked earlier about how when people piss me off I want to shit in an envelope and mail it to them.  This hasn't happened because A - I don't want to get arrested and B - I'd feel really bad for the postman having to double as a sewage disposal guy.  PETA also provides a return envelope to put your signed petition in......I wonder if I should add a little present from Chaos.

They were EVERYWHERE!!

The last couple of weeks on campus have been a little "not normal" as far as summer on campus goes.  Medicine and Dentistry students have been back for 2 weeks now.  As important as they are, or think they are, I didn't really notice that they came back a couple of weeks early until I started trying to meet with my collaborators over in Health Sciences and couldn't get a hold of them some days.  NBD most of the time. 

Bottom line, campus was only kind of busy up until this morning.  This morning, it was VERY BUSY....like "Oh God! Oh God! Ahhh!  Get! Away!" panic-attack kind of busy.  I was mentally prepared so that when I could first see the Bowl, my eyes wouldn't widen and my breath wouldn't get knocked out of me. 

What I was not prepared for was the floods of lost n00bs INSIDE the buildings.  I got pulled into the undertow of a tour group this afternoon right after lunch, in a very narrow hallway.  I think I'm lucky that I've lived to tell the story in all honesty. 

I'm kind of glad that my office is in the depths of Engineering, which is far, far away from all the commotion on Orientation Day.  Mostly because I don't want to have to deal with "Fresh Beats" (as Eamon put it - I thought he was talking about his roommate/officemate and vegetables at first) interrupting my Science-Muttering-Thinking-Dazed moments.  Kind of glad that I don't have windows.  I'm not so glad that my office has a window into a lab/classroom.  I guess you can't win them all.  Either way, I've reconstructed the fort under my desk and hung out there writing about Mad Science for most of the afternoon. 

Speaking of Mad Science, I didn't blog about this earlier, but my adviser and I made a HUGE breakthrough at the beginning of August.  HUGE!  Like "This will revolutionize the way we diagnose, care for patients with, and potentially even treat or cure osteoarthritis!".....well, maybe not that big, but it will definitely change the way we detect it and deal with it in hospitals.  I don't want to blog about it though until I get something published.  I've used it and submitted an abstract to go to San Francisco in February, and I have 2 journal articles in progress, but I don't want to spill the beans before it's been peer-reviewed. 
I can however show you all one image, of about the 180 that I've produced, of a patella with signs of early OA.  The one I've added is at a depth of 0 to 2.5mm below the bone/cartilage interface.  I think it's pretty wicked-awesome, but it's not where the Science is happening.  Think of this guy as a teaser, science-type-teaser:

Mostly, I'm just excited that I have images that are meaningful and that I feel like I'm making some sort of contribution to the medical and engineering communities, despite my severe discomfort with brand-new first-years, large crowds and loud noises.  Tomorrow will be better.....I hope.