I think this Blog has finally materialized into something actually useful....besides allowing me to ruminate on the crazy thoughts that are whizzing through my mind. Right now, it's a PROCRASTINATION TOOL!!!! YAY!!!
I have an Infrared Spectroscopy presentation to conjure up for tomorrow evening, and not a lot of time during the day to put it together tomorrow....ok, maybe some time, like an hour here and a couple of hours there. Can't say that I have a lot of motivation to build this presentation because I been asked to present simply for the sake of presenting. I'm not graded on the material, not graded on my presentation style; it's just to get practice doing a presentation. Like I need practice! Tomorrow alone, I'll be presenting for 3 hours already. Hell, I "present" for about 8 hours every week. During the term, I will have "presented" for roughly 80 hours....and that doesn't include any assigned presentations, just my teaching time.
Bottom line, I'm having trouble finding the motivation to build this presentation. I figured I'd blog instead....or at least make an attempt at blogging.
Today I'm floating a little higher, a little happier and a little less jaded. Partly because it's payday, partly because my "skinny jeans" were a little too loose and partly because some butterflies managed to find their way into the cockles of my heart. Damn them butterflies and their kind blue eyes. I'll just say that yesterday afternoon was very good and sometimes I need to cut people some slack and in the words of my little Red-headed Buddy, "Leave the Crazy at home". This is one situation where I can't let my high expectations get in the way. At all.
I am over-analyzing EVERYTHING, and it's probably not healthy, but since when have I been known not to think too deeply about something....besides this presentation.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Family or Science.....
Today is another one of those days where I'm starting to contemplate my existence and if I'll be existing alone or with someone for the rest of my life.....which I hope is a very, very long time.....but will seem to pass in the blink of an eye.
Here's the way I see it....I have 2 different "time lines" for what I'd like to accomplish. I like to think of it as very long-term goal setting. So long-term that flexibility is inevitable.
Here's the first: Science Time Line
Here's the second: Family Time Line
For the sake of argument, I'm going to assume that I meet "Mr. Right" tomorrow. Although it's not the worst-case scenario, it's also not the most likely, but it makes a good study.
I always thought that the point of having kids was to enjoy grand-kids. Looking at the age that I could be when I finally get around to the grand-kid phase, I don't know if I even want to get that ball rolling. I might have them in my life, but I don't think I'll be able to enjoy them. It's depressing.
If, and that's a BIG IF, I do have kids, I want to have them before I'm 36, simply because there are too many age-related fertility complications in my family and I don't want to have to deal with it. That's only 8 years from now. This is one deadline that I really have little control over, unless I adopt. I'm not going to adopt for the sake of having a kid. I don't want to be a single parent....bottom-line.
I think this leads to the bottom of the funk that I've been in over the past few days. I guess I'm coming to accept that I may never be a mother. I may never be a mother. It hurts me to say that. Maybe that's why I'm counting to find more satisfaction in the Science Time-Line. At least today, right now, it seems way more likely.
I've told my Mom over and over that Chaos is the closest thing she's going to get to grand-kids for quite a while. I think she's come to accept it and started putting her eggs in my brother's basket. I'm fine with that, but I do sort of feel like a failure. My mom won't be able to enjoy my kids, her grand-kids. It's depressing.
I haven't even gotten into combining the 2 time lines. I'm not even going to try, seeing as the "Family Plan" is so incredibly up-in-the-air that it would take more than one post to cover it. Combining them will likely push back the "Family Plan", mainly because I've kind of already given up hope for it so it will be really hard to pull it to the front seat at this point.
Maybe I won't be able to "Have It All". I'll have to settle. It hurts to say that.
Here's the way I see it....I have 2 different "time lines" for what I'd like to accomplish. I like to think of it as very long-term goal setting. So long-term that flexibility is inevitable.
Here's the first: Science Time Line
- 2004 - Complete first degree- check....sort of, it took me 4.5 years....close enough
- 2008 - Complete second degree - check...on time
- 2011 - Work in industry - check stayed there for 2.5 years....kind of accelerated the rest of the time-line, that's OK
- 2013 - Complete Master's degree.....God-willing
- 2014 - Work in industry to complete by P.Eng before my 7 years run out :P
- 2018 - Complete Ph.D. I'm giving myself 4 years, I hope that's generous enough
- 2026 - Get teaching tenure....this will put me at 44...which means I can teach for about 20 years as long as the funding lasts, which would be OK
- 2047 - "Retire" and continue teaching as a Professor Emeritus.....which would be really, really cool
- Then I'll live a long and happy retirement....me and Science
Here's the second: Family Time Line
For the sake of argument, I'm going to assume that I meet "Mr. Right" tomorrow. Although it's not the worst-case scenario, it's also not the most likely, but it makes a good study.
- 2011 - Meet Mr. Right
- 2015 - After 4 years of dating, we decide to get engaged
- 2018 - Get married. I'm going to allow for a 3-year engagement.....more likely because if I'm going to procrastinate at anything, it'll like be wedding planning. I like weddings, I don't love them. I don't get excited about them.....seriously.
- 2022 - DINKs (Double-Income-No-Kids) for 4 years and then we decide to have a baby (for those doing the math, this puts me at 40....not ideal by any stretch)
- 2040 - My first kid graduates from highschool.....I'm 58
I always thought that the point of having kids was to enjoy grand-kids. Looking at the age that I could be when I finally get around to the grand-kid phase, I don't know if I even want to get that ball rolling. I might have them in my life, but I don't think I'll be able to enjoy them. It's depressing.
If, and that's a BIG IF, I do have kids, I want to have them before I'm 36, simply because there are too many age-related fertility complications in my family and I don't want to have to deal with it. That's only 8 years from now. This is one deadline that I really have little control over, unless I adopt. I'm not going to adopt for the sake of having a kid. I don't want to be a single parent....bottom-line.
I think this leads to the bottom of the funk that I've been in over the past few days. I guess I'm coming to accept that I may never be a mother. I may never be a mother. It hurts me to say that. Maybe that's why I'm counting to find more satisfaction in the Science Time-Line. At least today, right now, it seems way more likely.
I've told my Mom over and over that Chaos is the closest thing she's going to get to grand-kids for quite a while. I think she's come to accept it and started putting her eggs in my brother's basket. I'm fine with that, but I do sort of feel like a failure. My mom won't be able to enjoy my kids, her grand-kids. It's depressing.
I haven't even gotten into combining the 2 time lines. I'm not even going to try, seeing as the "Family Plan" is so incredibly up-in-the-air that it would take more than one post to cover it. Combining them will likely push back the "Family Plan", mainly because I've kind of already given up hope for it so it will be really hard to pull it to the front seat at this point.
Maybe I won't be able to "Have It All". I'll have to settle. It hurts to say that.
Friday, February 25, 2011
When sitcoms parallel your reality
I've been in a dark place since about 11:00 this morning. It all started with a spectroscopy assignment that my prof said was going to be "tedious but simple". Well, he was part right, it was very tedious, but no where near simple. Great start to the day.
I finished as much of it as I could today and moved on to a presentation for the same class. Normally I have no problem building a PowerPoint but when you're not graded on it, it's a little tough.
I got a text at about 5:00 which extended my dark mood well into this evening. Although it's not the cause of my bummed mood, it sure did escalate it. Either way, I cried for a couple of hours, for no real particular reason and trying to stop was a lost cause. I had a bath, and cried in it. Big, round, pink tears....it was a pink bath.
I hummed and hawed about going out for cake, to help me feel better, then was going to meet up with a group of friends for a birthday and others for board games, but really I don't know if I'll be able to be pleasant enough to be around people right now. I opted to stay in and make up my mind around 9:00.
I found an episode of How I Met Your Mother. It was a gooder, and a classic. It was the episode where Lilly gets jealous because Robin finds a group of "Single Girls" to Whooooo! with. At the end of the episode, Lilly tries to hang out with the single girls, but feels out of place so Robin explains why they need to Whoooo! The scene moves to the dance floor and each single girl Whooo!'s and a subtitle about why they're Whooo!-ing is on the screen. One is "I never get second dates", another is "I may never be a mother", and another is "I cry in the shower"...and then for comedy's sake Ted dances across the floor and his subtitle is "My career and my love-life is in the toilet". Except for Ted's subtitle, I've thought about all of the 3 previous ones (except I cried in the bath and not in the shower) in the last 3 hours. Maybe I need to get out and Whoooo! Maybe I need to wallow in my dark place for a little bit, figure out exactly why I'm Whooo!-ing and then go out and Whoooo!. Who knows....
Either way, I do feel slightly better after watching HIMYM and then found Shakespeare in Love. Saves me from figuring out how to hook up my new laptop to the TV :P The world seems to be a better place during Shakespeare in Love. At least when I tear up, I have an easy out for blame.
Interesting part is that I feel better now after watching HIMYM than I did after venting to a few friends......TV has become much to large of a part of my life.
I still have the option to hit a couple of different parties this evening...so I can go out and Whooo!. Or I might stay in and snuggle with the little dog who seems to sit on my lap and "get me".
I finished as much of it as I could today and moved on to a presentation for the same class. Normally I have no problem building a PowerPoint but when you're not graded on it, it's a little tough.
I got a text at about 5:00 which extended my dark mood well into this evening. Although it's not the cause of my bummed mood, it sure did escalate it. Either way, I cried for a couple of hours, for no real particular reason and trying to stop was a lost cause. I had a bath, and cried in it. Big, round, pink tears....it was a pink bath.
I hummed and hawed about going out for cake, to help me feel better, then was going to meet up with a group of friends for a birthday and others for board games, but really I don't know if I'll be able to be pleasant enough to be around people right now. I opted to stay in and make up my mind around 9:00.
I found an episode of How I Met Your Mother. It was a gooder, and a classic. It was the episode where Lilly gets jealous because Robin finds a group of "Single Girls" to Whooooo! with. At the end of the episode, Lilly tries to hang out with the single girls, but feels out of place so Robin explains why they need to Whoooo! The scene moves to the dance floor and each single girl Whooo!'s and a subtitle about why they're Whooo!-ing is on the screen. One is "I never get second dates", another is "I may never be a mother", and another is "I cry in the shower"...and then for comedy's sake Ted dances across the floor and his subtitle is "My career and my love-life is in the toilet". Except for Ted's subtitle, I've thought about all of the 3 previous ones (except I cried in the bath and not in the shower) in the last 3 hours. Maybe I need to get out and Whoooo! Maybe I need to wallow in my dark place for a little bit, figure out exactly why I'm Whooo!-ing and then go out and Whoooo!. Who knows....
Either way, I do feel slightly better after watching HIMYM and then found Shakespeare in Love. Saves me from figuring out how to hook up my new laptop to the TV :P The world seems to be a better place during Shakespeare in Love. At least when I tear up, I have an easy out for blame.
Interesting part is that I feel better now after watching HIMYM than I did after venting to a few friends......TV has become much to large of a part of my life.
I still have the option to hit a couple of different parties this evening...so I can go out and Whooo!. Or I might stay in and snuggle with the little dog who seems to sit on my lap and "get me".
Thursday, February 24, 2011
RIP Lappy
Well, the worst that could happen happened on Tuesday. My laptop died. I was wishing and praying that it would be able to last until the 2nd week of March (when the newest versions of MacBook Pros are readily available on the market) but she just couldn't do it Capt'n!
She was kind of like my BlackBerry...although not held together with solder....but very well used and abused and ready to go into the green and copper graveyard in the sky. The "M" key worked sporadically and the keyboard dimmer was shot, the spacebar had to be hit on the left side to work and the caps lock light had it's own little strobe beat....but she still worked. I'm gonna miss the old Lappy....and all her default settings. Especially her default settings.
I really wish I could remember all the websites that I had bookmarked over the last 3 years. I guess I can think of this as a "spring cleaning" for my settings. If I used it a lot, I'll remember it; if I didn't use it a lot, I guess I won't. The sad thing is that I may not remember all the passwords that I had saved up either.
The ironic part is that I was about 2 minutes from doing a back-up when she died. I did manage to get my old hard drive and am now in the process of moving over a 30Gb+ iTunes library. Dang.
The good - All my important files are unharmed and the paper I was working on is still very much intact.
The bad - I'm really starting to miss the old default settings.
The ugly - The parental loan I had to take out a little prematurely. Good thing my parents are very understanding.
Either way, it's business semi-as-usual and I'll be able to do some much needed clean-up in the near future.
She was kind of like my BlackBerry...although not held together with solder....but very well used and abused and ready to go into the green and copper graveyard in the sky. The "M" key worked sporadically and the keyboard dimmer was shot, the spacebar had to be hit on the left side to work and the caps lock light had it's own little strobe beat....but she still worked. I'm gonna miss the old Lappy....and all her default settings. Especially her default settings.
I really wish I could remember all the websites that I had bookmarked over the last 3 years. I guess I can think of this as a "spring cleaning" for my settings. If I used it a lot, I'll remember it; if I didn't use it a lot, I guess I won't. The sad thing is that I may not remember all the passwords that I had saved up either.
The ironic part is that I was about 2 minutes from doing a back-up when she died. I did manage to get my old hard drive and am now in the process of moving over a 30Gb+ iTunes library. Dang.
The good - All my important files are unharmed and the paper I was working on is still very much intact.
The bad - I'm really starting to miss the old default settings.
The ugly - The parental loan I had to take out a little prematurely. Good thing my parents are very understanding.
Either way, it's business semi-as-usual and I'll be able to do some much needed clean-up in the near future.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Ohhh....shiny!
I'm having a lot of trouble focusing right now. I wish I could blame it on something easy, like stress or being overwhelmed, but I can't. It's a combination of the "lack-of-love-life-or-maybe-not-so-much-in-the-near-future" (yes, there's a boy on my mind, but that's all you're getting), puppies running around and on my lap and the cold farm-house.
I found a Strongbow that I left here over Christmas to help me calm down....I think. Either that or I'll fall asleep in the pile of midterms.
It's taking all of me to not play with the LEGOs in the next room. ALL. OF. ME.
I found a Strongbow that I left here over Christmas to help me calm down....I think. Either that or I'll fall asleep in the pile of midterms.
It's taking all of me to not play with the LEGOs in the next room. ALL. OF. ME.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
When a "Break" isn't really a "Break"...
It's been a long week. Gramma's funeral was Wednesday so I canceled my Thursday classes. I think my students were appreciative of the day off. They had their midterms on Tuesday and Wednesday, and it's hard to focus for one day before going for a week off.
It was nice to see family that I haven't seen in about 5 years. My Gramma's brothers and sisters are pretty wicked. She has 5 of them and they've all moved away from the farm. I get a lot of who I am from Gramma's side of the family. My favorite of her sisters wasn't there though. Her and my Uncle like to winter in Mexico, so I'll see her in the spring. I think she's my favorite because she's squirrelly and slightly kooky and really doesn't give a shit. The thing is though, when you corner Auntie Carolyn, make sure that you have at least a half hour. She talks a lot and won't let you get a word in.
Thing is, I could never find where I fit in with my immediate family and if I can avoid spending time with them, I will. I love them, but there's tension. I get along just fine with my extended family. I think it's because the genetics are so far removed that we have few things in common. The things we do have in common though, are great things.
I came back to the city on Thursday, stopped at school on Friday to pick up assignments and midterms and let the good times roll on Friday night by starting marking. Boo. Right now, I haven't done any marking yet today, and it's taking all of me to try and start. I'm halfway through the pile so I guess it's not all bad. I just want to get as much done as possible so I don't have to drag a stack of papers to the farm. This assignment and 1 midterm to go and I should be able to knock down the weight. Then I can focus on my own papers and presentations.
I stopped at Bulk Cheese Warehouse yesterday and picked up an AMAZING smoked Gouda. Chaos is a big fan too. I can tell by the drool.
You can have a crappy day and once you find a good cheese and a good beer, all is Gouda in the world.
Speaking of, I was introduced to an AMAZING beer last night. Chimay, from Belgium. It goes down so smooth that my mind was blown. They make cheeses too. Coincidence......maybe, but likely not.
It was nice to see family that I haven't seen in about 5 years. My Gramma's brothers and sisters are pretty wicked. She has 5 of them and they've all moved away from the farm. I get a lot of who I am from Gramma's side of the family. My favorite of her sisters wasn't there though. Her and my Uncle like to winter in Mexico, so I'll see her in the spring. I think she's my favorite because she's squirrelly and slightly kooky and really doesn't give a shit. The thing is though, when you corner Auntie Carolyn, make sure that you have at least a half hour. She talks a lot and won't let you get a word in.
Thing is, I could never find where I fit in with my immediate family and if I can avoid spending time with them, I will. I love them, but there's tension. I get along just fine with my extended family. I think it's because the genetics are so far removed that we have few things in common. The things we do have in common though, are great things.
I came back to the city on Thursday, stopped at school on Friday to pick up assignments and midterms and let the good times roll on Friday night by starting marking. Boo. Right now, I haven't done any marking yet today, and it's taking all of me to try and start. I'm halfway through the pile so I guess it's not all bad. I just want to get as much done as possible so I don't have to drag a stack of papers to the farm. This assignment and 1 midterm to go and I should be able to knock down the weight. Then I can focus on my own papers and presentations.
I stopped at Bulk Cheese Warehouse yesterday and picked up an AMAZING smoked Gouda. Chaos is a big fan too. I can tell by the drool.
You can have a crappy day and once you find a good cheese and a good beer, all is Gouda in the world.
Speaking of, I was introduced to an AMAZING beer last night. Chimay, from Belgium. It goes down so smooth that my mind was blown. They make cheeses too. Coincidence......maybe, but likely not.
Friday, February 11, 2011
And so ends the "Week of Hell".
The subject line really describes how I feel right now. In this moment, it's the most relieved that I've felt in about 10 days.
My "new venture" in teaching the irrigation class was a real chore this week.
Before I even started my first teaching day I had to deal with over half of the class having submitted an assignment that had been copied from the infoweb. Boo plagiarism. I had to give them "The Talk" before we even got to jump into the new material. Challenge #1, ewww.
Challenge #2, designing a midterm. The old prof had scheduled their midterm for next Tuesday. Not only did I have to review all their material to find out where they were, but I also had to pick and choose what would be fair to test them on. Boooo. Honestly this "new prospect" has sucked up way more time than I anticipated.
Hopefully after midterm break, when I start adding discussion to the class, things will either slow down or level out.
This week was a virtual Hell.
Monday was the plagiarism incident.
Tuesday was an epically long day - teaching 2 classes and being a student for 2 classes - it was draining.
On Wednesday I waited outdoors in the cold for a collective 80 mins for the bus. In the evening, I left downtown at 6:30 and finally got home at 8:00. Needless to say, I was pissed off and I had much better things to do in that hour and a half than shiver and wait in the cold.
On Thursday, my Grandma Dorothy passed away. She'd been sick for the last 4 or 5 years with on and off depression and then eventually cancer. It really wasn't a surprise and I'm sure it won't hit me until the funeral, but still sucky none-the-less.
Today I had an APEGS meeting that may have only taken the morning, but it really seemed to go on for ever. I think the worst part is sitting in the room with "the fossils" who take for ever to collect their thoughts and speak.....incredibly....slowly...... So slowly in fact that by the time they reach the end of their sentence, I have no idea what the first part was and I can't understand a collective idea. It pisses me off. Sometimes I wonder if that's their "meeting voice" and they purposely use it in attempt to keep the idea simple for people to understand, or if it actually is their mind slowing down. Then there's also the circular discussion. That pisses me off. Don't try and put 30 engineers in the same room and think that you'll be able to get a solution that works for everyone. Don't. Even. Try.
I had 5 different offers from 5 different people to go out and do something tonight. I turned all of them down. I had thought of meeting up with Roman for his birthday party at the Longbranch, but after I had ordered pizza and ate, I really needed a nap. I woke up at 10:30. I still would have had to shower and by the time I'd get out, it would be past midnight. Honestly, in the state of relief that I'm in, no matter how much I love Roman, I love my sanity more.
I'm going out twice tomorrow. I'm sure I'll make up for it.
Yup, week of hell....over.
My "new venture" in teaching the irrigation class was a real chore this week.
Before I even started my first teaching day I had to deal with over half of the class having submitted an assignment that had been copied from the infoweb. Boo plagiarism. I had to give them "The Talk" before we even got to jump into the new material. Challenge #1, ewww.
Challenge #2, designing a midterm. The old prof had scheduled their midterm for next Tuesday. Not only did I have to review all their material to find out where they were, but I also had to pick and choose what would be fair to test them on. Boooo. Honestly this "new prospect" has sucked up way more time than I anticipated.
Hopefully after midterm break, when I start adding discussion to the class, things will either slow down or level out.
This week was a virtual Hell.
Monday was the plagiarism incident.
Tuesday was an epically long day - teaching 2 classes and being a student for 2 classes - it was draining.
On Wednesday I waited outdoors in the cold for a collective 80 mins for the bus. In the evening, I left downtown at 6:30 and finally got home at 8:00. Needless to say, I was pissed off and I had much better things to do in that hour and a half than shiver and wait in the cold.
On Thursday, my Grandma Dorothy passed away. She'd been sick for the last 4 or 5 years with on and off depression and then eventually cancer. It really wasn't a surprise and I'm sure it won't hit me until the funeral, but still sucky none-the-less.
Today I had an APEGS meeting that may have only taken the morning, but it really seemed to go on for ever. I think the worst part is sitting in the room with "the fossils" who take for ever to collect their thoughts and speak.....incredibly....slowly...... So slowly in fact that by the time they reach the end of their sentence, I have no idea what the first part was and I can't understand a collective idea. It pisses me off. Sometimes I wonder if that's their "meeting voice" and they purposely use it in attempt to keep the idea simple for people to understand, or if it actually is their mind slowing down. Then there's also the circular discussion. That pisses me off. Don't try and put 30 engineers in the same room and think that you'll be able to get a solution that works for everyone. Don't. Even. Try.
I had 5 different offers from 5 different people to go out and do something tonight. I turned all of them down. I had thought of meeting up with Roman for his birthday party at the Longbranch, but after I had ordered pizza and ate, I really needed a nap. I woke up at 10:30. I still would have had to shower and by the time I'd get out, it would be past midnight. Honestly, in the state of relief that I'm in, no matter how much I love Roman, I love my sanity more.
I'm going out twice tomorrow. I'm sure I'll make up for it.
Yup, week of hell....over.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Insomnia and working hours don't mix
I may not be "Certified Nuts", but I'm definitely "Certified Insomniac".
I'm letting you all in on a little secret to my "success" as an undergrad (I'm using success very loosely because I didn't have the best grades, but I sure managed to accomplish A LOT of shit): when you all were sleeping between the hours of 3AM and 5AM, most nights I was wide awake, taking advantage of the "extra" hours and doing a lot of the homework that I wasn't able to finish during "normal hours".
I was able to ride the waking pony for the last 2 years of my Ag degree and all through Eng. Crazy? Very.
I didn't bother seeing a Doc about it then because I was able to cope very well. I did have the odd early evening nap to compensate, but I seemed to manage just fine.
When I hit the "Real World" though, it started to catch up with me. Something about being fully conscious between 7 and 6 really got to my system. For the last 2 years, I've had pretty much a constant stream of Gravol or Melatonin going through my system. I couldn't take anything much stronger because of the whole "operating heavy equipment" thing.
Now that I'm back in school, I've killed the Gravol habit and have gone back to really strange working hours. I'll typically have a quick "nap" between midnight and 3AM, wake up between 3 and 4, and have another quick "nap" between 4AM and 6AM, sometimes I can get away with sleeping until 7 if I don't have to be on campus right away. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can catch a quick snooze as soon as I get home from school, but that usually doesn't happen (something about an excited puppy who's really, REALLY excited to see me).
Although I could try and use the crazy waking schedule to my advantage again, I'm having a little bit of trouble trying to make it swing. Afternoon naps are hard to come by, even when I'm a student again.
Although I'm rarely exhausted, I'm rarely 100% alert either. It's almost like I'm in constant state of "Zombie".....BRRAAAIIIIIIIINSSSS!
I'm wondering if the 2 years of normal hours has taken away my Insomnia Super-Power. That would make me sad. Can't say that having insomnia would be the first thing that I'd chose if I could pick a super-power, but I was able to take advantage of it while I could.
Maybe this is the World's way of making me trade it in. I wonder what my new super-power is going to be??
I'm letting you all in on a little secret to my "success" as an undergrad (I'm using success very loosely because I didn't have the best grades, but I sure managed to accomplish A LOT of shit): when you all were sleeping between the hours of 3AM and 5AM, most nights I was wide awake, taking advantage of the "extra" hours and doing a lot of the homework that I wasn't able to finish during "normal hours".
I was able to ride the waking pony for the last 2 years of my Ag degree and all through Eng. Crazy? Very.
I didn't bother seeing a Doc about it then because I was able to cope very well. I did have the odd early evening nap to compensate, but I seemed to manage just fine.
When I hit the "Real World" though, it started to catch up with me. Something about being fully conscious between 7 and 6 really got to my system. For the last 2 years, I've had pretty much a constant stream of Gravol or Melatonin going through my system. I couldn't take anything much stronger because of the whole "operating heavy equipment" thing.
Now that I'm back in school, I've killed the Gravol habit and have gone back to really strange working hours. I'll typically have a quick "nap" between midnight and 3AM, wake up between 3 and 4, and have another quick "nap" between 4AM and 6AM, sometimes I can get away with sleeping until 7 if I don't have to be on campus right away. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can catch a quick snooze as soon as I get home from school, but that usually doesn't happen (something about an excited puppy who's really, REALLY excited to see me).
Although I could try and use the crazy waking schedule to my advantage again, I'm having a little bit of trouble trying to make it swing. Afternoon naps are hard to come by, even when I'm a student again.
Although I'm rarely exhausted, I'm rarely 100% alert either. It's almost like I'm in constant state of "Zombie".....BRRAAAIIIIIIIINSSSS!
I'm wondering if the 2 years of normal hours has taken away my Insomnia Super-Power. That would make me sad. Can't say that having insomnia would be the first thing that I'd chose if I could pick a super-power, but I was able to take advantage of it while I could.
Maybe this is the World's way of making me trade it in. I wonder what my new super-power is going to be??
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Do I get extra points for making the snowball bigger??
Something ugly happened. My 4th year design advisor is no longer able to teach for the rest of this semester. I don't know the story and it's not mine to tell, but I'm guessing it's a sad one. Life sucks sometimes.
Either way, he was a reference for my NSERC application as well as a reference to help get me into the Grad School situation that I'm loving right now, so I figure that I owe him one. It's because of this relationship, and also that I get to gain a little coin and a little teaching experience, that I've agreed to pick up teaching his Irrigation and Water Management class. I was offered his Machinery Maintenance class, which is a little more in my league, but it conflicted with another one of my classes. Either way it helps me solve a few problems and might cause a few more....
I was really worried how I was going to make ends meet this summer. Teaching brings in a little more coin, and I won't be teaching this summer. I have to collect all my data before my funding runs out in September, so I'm committing all my work time this summer to my project. No teaching. No extra cash. Sad Dena.
I really don't want to take pleasure from someone's misfortune, especially someone who's done so much for me, but I am willing to make light of an opportunity that may be hiding. With this added teaching time, I'm able to make a little more coin, throw it in a savings account and use it this summer to make ends meet. I'm really excited about it to tell the truth. Also really excited that my name was thrown around as a potential teacher. More experience! Yay!
I may have bitten off more than I can chew though. Not that I was working extremely hard in January, but I haven't written any major reports or written any major exams, so I'm not sure exactly what kind of a work load I can start to expect in the next few weeks. I'm pretty sure I can manage it, I just have to dip into "social life" time. That's all. It's not like I had that exciting of a social life anyways. Just me and Chaos. If I lack a social life, it will help me save money. Win/win. Right?
I'm sure if I can make myself focus, I'll be able to get through it all. It's not like I'm not enjoying the stuff I'm reading. Hell, I plan on taking "work" home. I'm just wondering if I'm stretching myself too thin.
I guess I'll find out when I get there.
Either way, he was a reference for my NSERC application as well as a reference to help get me into the Grad School situation that I'm loving right now, so I figure that I owe him one. It's because of this relationship, and also that I get to gain a little coin and a little teaching experience, that I've agreed to pick up teaching his Irrigation and Water Management class. I was offered his Machinery Maintenance class, which is a little more in my league, but it conflicted with another one of my classes. Either way it helps me solve a few problems and might cause a few more....
I was really worried how I was going to make ends meet this summer. Teaching brings in a little more coin, and I won't be teaching this summer. I have to collect all my data before my funding runs out in September, so I'm committing all my work time this summer to my project. No teaching. No extra cash. Sad Dena.
I really don't want to take pleasure from someone's misfortune, especially someone who's done so much for me, but I am willing to make light of an opportunity that may be hiding. With this added teaching time, I'm able to make a little more coin, throw it in a savings account and use it this summer to make ends meet. I'm really excited about it to tell the truth. Also really excited that my name was thrown around as a potential teacher. More experience! Yay!
I may have bitten off more than I can chew though. Not that I was working extremely hard in January, but I haven't written any major reports or written any major exams, so I'm not sure exactly what kind of a work load I can start to expect in the next few weeks. I'm pretty sure I can manage it, I just have to dip into "social life" time. That's all. It's not like I had that exciting of a social life anyways. Just me and Chaos. If I lack a social life, it will help me save money. Win/win. Right?
I'm sure if I can make myself focus, I'll be able to get through it all. It's not like I'm not enjoying the stuff I'm reading. Hell, I plan on taking "work" home. I'm just wondering if I'm stretching myself too thin.
I guess I'll find out when I get there.
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