I had a crummy week this past week. It kind of started with my committee meeting last Thursday, I was able to leave the room with the delusion that I actually did well.
I was told that I did really well...and I believed it. First mistake.
I got my feedback on Sunday. I finally had the courage and level-headedness to look at it yesterday. I was still kind of furious and I'm not really looking forward to my meeting with my advisor tomorrow to discuss the feedback. I have a feeling that I could burst into tears. It would be a first, but it still wouldn't be good.
Either way, I've looked it over and today's seminar was just what I needed to start putting it in perspective.
Today's seminar was given by Dr. Don Bailey. He's the man who started up the Bone Strength group in Kinesiology in 1959. He's retired now, and hitting 78, but he's still sharp as a tack and able to take command of a room without standing up or saying a word. I never met him until today although I'd heard of him and read some of his work. I'm glad I met him. Although he may not be a mentor, he'll definitely be something to aspire to. After what I've said, you can kind of imagine the amount of respect this guy has within the research group in Kinesiology. In fact, there was one Post Doc that was so incredibly excited to see him, her eyes sparkled for the entire hour (I'm sure mine did too for a portion of it).
Now, seeing as he's kind of a pioneer in bone strength research, this guy could have talked about anything at all for his seminar talk. He could have touched on the most complex elements, talking about the challenges of running a 40+ year longitudinal study, or been anecdotal on lessons learned and what-not. Hell, he could have said anything he wanted to, and we would have hung on like excited kids, grasping to his every word. Of all things he could have discussed, he focused his talk on "The Basics"....and not even entirely bone-related basics....no he talked about Archimedes, Galileo, Darwin, Wolff and Thompson basics. Right back to square one basics. Stuff we already knew and understood; yet there we were, hanging on his every word.
I think that talk was exactly what I needed.
I'm not the best at taking feedback, I never have been and I honestly don't think anyone really is. I'm rarely told that I'm wrong and I have a tendency to figure it out on my own and roll with it. So, when you hear something you're not used to hearing, of course you're going to act a little differently. I wasn't too impressed with my feedback after I'd been told that my scoring was "the best I've ever seen" according to my supervisor.
The stuff that I had issues with last week - well, they were the basics. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in learning specifics, and becoming experts about one tiny aspect of the big picture that we start to forget the big picture and we start to forget the basics. I think that was where I was last week. I was so stressed out about understanding the details and figuring out the little things that I lost sight of the big picture and let the basics slip under the rug. It shows on my feedback form.
Tomorrow in my meeting, I guess I have to accept that I got lost in the the big picture. I was focused so much on one tree that I forgot to take in the entire forest and accept it for what it is......basic.
I'm still afraid about how this meeting is going to go, but I think if I take the "I forgot about the basics" approach, I should be OK. At least I know what I need to work on. Too bad it's the foundation.
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