So I was standing at the bus stop and managed to "turn my brain off" for a few minutes.
I started thinking about inspiration and creativity...but it slowly moved to relationships...and the notion of settling for "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Right Now".
Is it worth dating "Mr. Right Now" at the possible expense of finding "Mr. Right", and is it really worth going through the heartache of finding "Mr. Right", when you'd be satisfied with "Mr. Right Now"?
So I have this friend (who is female, but will remain nameless), and she's dating "Mr. Right Now". They do make an adorable couple (like sickeningly adorable sometimes), but they're both aware that each other is "Mr. Right Now"/"Ms. Right Now". It works so well, because they're both on the same page, of the same book, borrowed from the same library. Right now, neither is looking for anything more than simply dating the other. It's cool that way. And it works. Most of the time.
Frustrating part is that she knows that she can't see herself with him for the rest of her life. She sees her future with someone else, in different time zones, across the globe. It doesn't work with "Mr. Right" because they're both academics and neither wanted to hold the other back. Which I'm totally in agreement with (I don't know how I'd feel, knowing that I allowed someone to give up on their dreams, or I'd prevent them from reaching their total potential, simply because we fell in love with each other).
Sometimes I wonder if it's better to play conservatively, and only bet on the hands where I knew I was able to win, or if it was worth laying my chips on the table and doing some bluffing from time to time. By betting to win and waiting for "Mr. Right", am I missing out on a lot of "Mr. Right Now"'s? By holding out, am I actually hindering heartache? Is it a function of my own strength, or just the ability to realize that idealism is tough to achieve?
I've dated a few guys, not a lot, but a few. Mostly first dates. Very few second dates. Even fewer third dates and "relationships" - if you want to call them that. Honestly, I don't think I've been in a full-out, Facebook-official relationship in over 12 years. Scary.
I think that's mostly by my choice. Although they've mostly been good guys, they just never seemed like they were worth investing in--or some force of nature just didn't work out. The weirdest thing is that each of them was progressively more suited to what I was looking for than the previous. Could be by chance, but it's like I was refining a search. Like an iterative learning process, narrowing down on what was a "need", and what I was willing to compromise on.
I'm wondering if that was by chance, or by choice. Am I purposely choosing gentlemen (and yes, all but one were gentlemen) who are closer and closer to what I think that I would be able to spend the rest of my life with?
If that's the case, then the next docket has a lot to live up to. The search is getting narrower and narrower; honestly I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself, let alone someone who I may end up spending the rest of my life with. (Not to say that the next person I end up going on a date with will be the person I spend the rest of my life with, but given the refining trend, it doesn't leave much room for error - unless I want to spend the next 50 years alone.)
Then there's also the idea of leaving it up to chance. Will I eventually "bump into" "Mr. Right", say in the hallway, or the lab, or the grocery store; or is it worth accelerating the process through active seeking (like online dating, speed dating, etc). "They" say that 1 in 5 relationships start in online dating, and I'll believe "them". Fewer of my friends are meeting their mates face-to-face, and more online, through fibre optics and keyboards. I mean, I've tried the online dating thing (and there's a really promising prospect - but I don't wanna jinx it), but I'm wondering if we would have met each other eventually through house parties, hijinx, and mutual friends, or was it worth speeding it up - potentially cross-referencing wires and leaving the component to spark, smoke, ignite, and eventually smoulder?
I've purposely avoided dating for the past year, simply so I can focus on finishing my degree on time (of which I succeeded) and making my mark in the scientific game of dice (which I'm still successfully working on). I think I'm ready to jump back into the dating pool, but I'm also wondering how much patience I have for the whole process.
Is it all the pining and heartache worth it, or should I just stand back and watch the parade? Should I settle, and try for "Mr. Right Now", or do I find the strength and keep on trucking to seek out "Mr. Right"?
Honestly, I just hope he shows up sooner, rather than later. I'm not getting any younger, and the older I get, the shorter the courting period is going to be....
I hope my kilted knight shows up pretty damn fast. I could just crack beyond the state of repair.
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