It's complicated....

No, not that kind of complicated, a different kind of complicated. 
Maybe it stems back to being a passionate person.  I'll be the first to admit it.  I'm a passionate person.  It doesn't take me long to become fully immersed and invested in something.  Sometimes it's helpful, but most of the time I end up getting burned.  You'd think I'd learn, but I don't.  Passion has it's price, but I wouldn't want to live a life without it.  When I run out of steam, it's Passion that pushes me. 

Passion complicates things.  I don't know of a better way to put it.  I think it all stems back to my standard of never doing anything half-assed.  Either you're in all the way, or you're out.  There's no wishy-washyness allowed around here.  It bites me in the ass.  I guess that's OK.  I guess. 

Another thing I was really thinking about today was Timing.  Sometimes timing is everything.  Timing is what got me into grad studies.  Timing is what got me 2 teaching positions.  Timing is what pushed me into the awesome-career-building group that I'm immersed in every day.  I think I owe a lot to Timing. 

As much as I owe to Passion and Timing, sometimes I wish they could just take a backseat and let me try to live my life, or at least try not to let me get distracted.  Right now, my life is just where I want it, minus one thing, and I'm sure if Timing and Passion wouldn't get in the way I'd be one step closer.  Just one step.  One little step.

Maybe this is the life that I'm meant to live.  Me, Passion, Timing, Science.....and Chaos.  Maybe, just maybe. 
Am I satisfied with it?  Not really.  Can I change it?  Not really.  I think that's what frustrates me most. 




(To think I got this deep at the office, between marking papers.  I'd hate to see how deep I'd get with a little weed and some Zepplin.  Good thing I don't roll that way.  I have a hard time handling me right now, let alone if I'd swing there.)