All you have to do is stay ahead of the snowball....

Today was a long day.  A very long day. 
I really hadn't intended on going to school this morning, until I got an e-mail from my super-awesome supervisor confirming that we have a 10:00 meeting.  I was hoping to "work from home" and by that, I mean sleep in and do some reading on my couch and in my pyjamas. 
Long-story-long: I thought our meeting was Tuesday, he kept horrible meeting notes, we compromised on 10 Monday and I got to school late, coffee-less and tired.  He gave me about 8 journal articles to try an plug through.  The funny thing is that he really didn't give a deadline, but he's so chilled out that I'd feel kind of bad if I didn't try to conquer at least half of them this week. 
It started with: "So, how are classes?", moved on to "Well, let's try and pinpoint you into the right direction", turned into "Don't feel like you have to have some new information every time we meet, this is mostly just formality", which snowballed to "If you have any questions later this week, come see me.  This is tough shit to wrap your brain around".  Yeah, he's that chilled out. 
Although there's no "real" pressure, I still feel like I should throw in some sort of effort to read enough to take advantage of his availability to help me out later this week, which means that I should try to get something done so he can warrant helping me out.  Add it to the pile. 

You know the metaphor I mentioned earlier, the one where you're so busy that you can't slack or you'll get bogged down?  I'm changing the metaphor.  All you have to do is stay ahead of the giant-ass snowball rolling down the hill behind you. 
Today I got a little caught up in the snowball, got flattened for 1 or 2 cycles down the hill, then after I had a really, really big cuppa joe, I managed to unstick myself from the snowball and continue running.  Lucas pictures it as getting unstuck, running like mad, turning around and flipping it the bird then continuing to run like fuck down that hill with the menacing snowball grumbling and growing behind you.  I'm hoping for some sun to start melting that motha fucka. 
At least I was able to unstick myself from the snowball.  I blame WEC for allowing me to let down my guard and get wrapped up in it in the first place.  Whatever, it was fun.  Back to life, back to reality. 

I honestly wish I had some time to make a sweet paint picture of me running in front of the snowball, but if I took the time to make it, I might get wrapped up in it again.  And that would suck.  Instead I sort of found a reasonable cartoon rendition.  Just as effective.....most likely. 

My favorite person from WEC weekend....ever!

This weekend was EPIC.  Not because of WEC (which was pretty cool), not because I took a 2-day vacation of reality, not because I had so many adult beverages that I may or may not have said or done a few things that I may or may not regret the next morning, but because I got to hang out with Charles Fucking Heard.

I first bumped into C-F-H at WEC in Victoria, 4 years ago.  He was one of my favorite persons then, and he still remains so today; then for pretending he was actually good at debate, today for other reasons which make him a shameless-one-man-shit-show.  Another thing that makes him really awesome is that he's not afraid to get his camel pack a little boozy, and if I didn't have another aversion to swapping spit with about 50 of his closest (and newest) friends, I'd be all over that like white on rice.  True story. 

I hit up Joe's on Wednesday night, the official first event.  I hadn't intended on going on Wednesday but I was hitting a wall and needed beer....BADLY.  I knew there was going to be beer and people there.  Win/Win.
A very drunk C-F-H pulled me aside, we hugged, we chatted, we drank, he introduced me to his buddy Anthony (who I thought was pretty hot), we played the world's most awesome and deadly drinking game/shot.  C-F-H convinced Beatty to join me and him in a game of "Coasters".  It involves 3 or 4 people, 3 or 4 coasters, a wall of booze and a really awesome bartender.  Use your imagination.  Some drinks were awesome, others were not.  Mental note, do not under any circumstances mix 151 with Bailey's.....bad.  Memory loss can and will occur.
Apparently I was the only one who could remember the rest of the evening.  Dang.

Thursday and Friday were pretty standard.  It was WEC, there was good food, good competition and good fellowship.
Saturday night was EPIC.  The theme was "Rubix Cube".  Apparently you show up with an article of clothing in each color that's on a Rubix Cube and you trade-up to try and get all one color, and semi-match, by the end of the evening.  Because of my acute style and my aversion to trading sweaty clothes, I merely watched; and that was perfectly fine by me.  C-F-H and T-Dawg didn't start with anything, except 1 or 2 pretty crappy U of A bandanas, and ended up the night with a pretty sweet belt and a very awesome white scarf.  C-F-H, the little bastard managed to get his greasy paws on not one, not two, but THREE $50 bar tabs for next weekend.  Because the poor guy is from Edmonton, he made a sweet profit of $40.  Jealous, kinda. 
C-F-H also stripped for us, debate-style.  He was pretty stoked about it, he even brought his very supportive, very classy Rubix Cube underwear.  I'm a huge fan.....pun intended.  Apparently they're a million times better than a speedo on a waterslide.  Cool.
Killer Epic!

This is C-Dawg with my buddy Mang, sharing the ever-popular camel pack.  It's not a great picture, but it sure does show what kind of a shit-show to expect. 

On a side note, Drew caught me on a legitimate Buffalo and all I had was bottled beer.  I don't chug from the bottle....it makes me gag.  Call me a princess, but I've been known to hold my own.
Buddy I owe you a chug next time we hang out.

Popcorn will never taste the same. Ever. Again.

Tonight, there were 2.2 mins that were so full of win, it was EPIC!
I've never popped stove-popped popcorn before, at least it was never me that popped it.  When I was little, before we got a air-popped popcorn popper, Friday night was POPCORN NIGHT! Dad would stand by the stove, for the first and only time all week, and make popcorn.  Sometimes, if we were good, we got popcorn on Saturdays too, but we had to be really REALLY good.
In Saskatoon, I'm lucky enough to be the proud owner of a hot-air popcorn popper (circa 1994, it was my Gramma's before she moved into the nursing home), so popcorn is a regular snack around here, but only air-popped corn.....UNTIL TONIGHT!
I got adventurous but didn't quite know what I was doing, so I did what every kid who's moved away from home does, I phoned home to ask Dad for instructions on how to make popcorn on the stove.  Turns out he was at a meeting (typical) so Mom helped me out instead, which is almost as good....almost.
I put just enough oil to cover the bottom of the pot, and just enough corn so that it's covered in oil.  Mom's advice, "Don't forget to shake it, or it'll burn".  2.2 minutes of shaking later I have a wonderful pot full of delicious popcorn.  I wasn't sure if it all had popped or not, so I lifted up the lid ever-so-slightly, and to my delight and amazement, I had put in EXACTLY enough corn so that it didn't push the lid up (Dad was always worried about the lid lifting up because it was right at eye level for us kids.  AHHH, oil in the eyes!!).  I was so amazed, I did a little victory dance, too bad I was by myself and Chaos was sleeping, so no one saw it....but there was dancing! (If you have a victory dance and there's no one to see it, is there still a victory???)
A second victory dance followed when I dumped the popcorn in a bowl and I didn't burn any of it.
I'm not quite at the bottom of the bowl by this point (but my keyboard and trackpad have a certain glisten :P) so I can't say how many un-popped kernels there are, but hey, even if there's lots, I'll be more than satisfied.  I didn't get oil in my eyes!

...and no I didn't butter my popcorn...oil gives it enough flavor....it's delicious...

So, that's what it feels like....

WARNING:  THIS POST DEALS WITH THE SENSITIVE SUBJECT AND COULD BE TAKEN AS OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS.  I DO NOT INTEND TO OFFEND ANYONE.  THIS IS ONLY THE WORLD AS I SEE IT, AND I HAD MY EYES OPENED AND PERSPECTIVE BROADENED TODAY.

Today I had a self-revelation.  It happened right after my Fracture and Dislocation class.  As far as material goes, I love this class.  I love breaking stuff, figuring out why it broke, seeing if it can be improved, understanding dislocation theory, mechanics of materials, all that wonderful stuff.  I'm not sure if I'm so comfortable in that class though, not because the environment is hostile.  The environment is anything but hostile, the prof has a lot of good will and really wants to teach well and the students are polite and want to do well (we're all grad students....we kind of HAVE to do well to be eligible for scholarships and stuff).  There's a lot of intelligent conversation that goes on and a lot of good ideas get sparked and explored.  Hell, we're even missing that almost essential annoying person who asks a stupid question every 5 minutes, you know, the one that sits in the front row and insists that their (stupid) ideas are the most important ones and wastes everyone's class time while being completely oblivious to the fact that they're an idiot.....yeah we're missing that kid.  As far as that, this class is damned-near perfect.

The only issue that I have is that I'm uncomfortable when I sit in class, and even seem to sit alone.  I'm the only white kid in the class.  I knew this would happen eventually, with over 2/3 of the grad students at the U of S being International Students, but I didn't think it would happen right off the bat.  Mostly I'm uncomfortable because the differences in culture are really apparent.  I'm not going to elaborate on them, but they're there.  I have no problem with it really, just that I seem to sit in class and it's apparent that I'm the ONLY white kid.  Some days I feel pretty alone in class.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've had this feeling of "only one" before....hell, I had to face it EVERY DAY when I was out in industry.  I even had to go out of my way to prove my worth some days because of it.  I was the only lady engineer in our office.  There's been lots of situations where I've been the only girl.  In some classes I attended as an undergrad I was one of few girls.  In ME 313 I was endearlingly known and "the other girl".  I've come to accept it.  I'm a minority in my field....sometimes literally.  Hell, I've even turned it around and have felt quite EMPOWERED because I was the only girl.  I've gotten scholarships because I've been a girl.  It was easy to feel high-and-mighty when you felt like you had to prove something to the world.  It was easy to get wrapped up in being a minority.

I didn't feel empowered after my ME 898 class today.  I felt like more of the outcast.  Normally I don't speak up in class, I'm scared to for fear that I'll be told "You're an idiot!  You have no idea what I'm trying to talk about".  I don't like to stay after class either.  I tend to feel that I'm wasting the Prof's time.  I don't know why, it's just my reality, or at least my perception of my reality.  Today, I couldn't get out of class quick enough and I sure as hell didn't want to speak up.  It just felt weird and uncomfortable being the only "white kid".

When I sit back and look at it, although I've been exposed to a wide variety of cultures, I've never really been immersed in it, at least not the way I see it.  I grew up in Swift Current, a generally homogeneous "white community".  We'd have the odd doctor or dentist or other professional who'd settle down in town who immigrated from where-have-you, but they were always removed by one degree.  When I went through Agriculture, it was the same situation.  We were mostly white farm kids from similar backgrounds and no real immersion in other cultures, besides the "once removed" situation.  When I went through Engineering, it was a similar story.  Although there were more International Students, it feels like I never really interacted with them and kept them in the "once removed" situation.  I think I'm having a hard time adjusting because I can't play the "once removed" card again.  I have to suck it up and deal.  I'm immersed. 

I really have no problem with it, or at least on the surface I have no problem with it.  I can't say that I have "no problems" with the issue when I leave class feeling uncomfortable and out of place though.  I guess I have no problems on the surface, it must be something that sits deeper in my soul.  Outwardly, I'm not a racist person.  I like to think that my parents did a good job of raising me and taught me to be tolerant, understanding, open-minded and all those good things.  I'm more than eager to learn about someone or something different, mainly because it's unique and challenges my view of the world.  I think that uniqueness makes each one of us special (which explains on why I embrace my quirks, they make me feel validated and special).  I think that's why I'm having such a hard time accepting that I'm uncomfortable in my ME 898 class, mostly because I really don't think I have a full understanding of why I'm so uncomfortable, or even if it's worth making an issue out of it. 

Although I'll never have a full understanding of what it's like to be an International Student, or someone from a different race or culture (at least not at this point in my life), looking from where my mind is sitting right now and how I see the issue, I like to think that I have a little more understanding of at least what it's like to be immersed in a different or variety of cultures.

No Pressure....

I had my first meeting with my research group today.  They all seem pretty cool, and my advisor seems even more chill than I initially thought....yup, crazy.  We cracked a few jokes, got to know one another, made fun of some summer students....the usual.  I'm pretty sure there was a rant in there too.  Either way, he's given us as much free rein as he can, which is nice. 
I do have a little understanding why we agreed that I need at least 80 in my classes.  It sure helps with scholarships, but there's a little more than that.  Although my grades have little bearing on the success of my project, they help build work ethic.  The data that I'm collecting in my project will be used to verify the actual validity of the 4 other projects in my research group.  In other words, if my project doesn't work out, or I screw up, 4 other people will have to start close to scratch, or at least take a different focus.  Yeah, no pressure.

He was one of two people that did ask me if I was starting to get overwhelmed and able to keep up.
I have 2 schools of thought (maybe 3, we'll see what kind of an argument I can make) on this matter.
The first I learned from my old boss at CNH.  He always told me that you can't finish everything in a day and there's no use getting worked up about what you can't finish.  Just do what you can, work as hard as you're able and it will all get done eventually.  Some things may not get done on time, but if it's done correctly and thoroughly that's all you can ask.  Just don't kill anyone in the process.
The second way to look at this I learned from a student friend.  He had one semester where he was taking 7 classes and in an Exec position with the SESS.  I asked him how he managed.  He said that he never let himself get behind, because if he got behind the house of cards would all fall down and they wouldn't be paper cards, they'd be concrete.  Basically, you just get so busy that you have no choice but to keep up because once you get behind, the shitstorm will get you.
Then there's the third philosophy (I guess I was able to make 3 points out of this....cool) where you purposely keep incredibly busy so you don't spend money or get into trouble. This sounds familiar.  Really familiar.  I'm not saying that I'm starting to get overwhelmed, just that unless I manage to keep busy with work and school, I'm sure I'll find some sort of other endeavor to get busy with and I'll be completely distracted.  ADD much?  Oooo, a green car!

Either way, I'm not getting overwhelmed yet.  Things are completely manageable, even within in the midst of assignments, projects, proposals and papers.

Cheers.

Did my writing suck this much when I was in 2nd year?

I finished marking my first set of actual assignments last night....or this morning at around 3.  I'm calling it "actual assignments" because the fist set of memos wasn't marked, just reviewed so that I have a baseline to measure the students' improvement over the term. 
I think this baseline is going to extend into this assignment I just finished marking because there were some doozies. 
Some kids completely missed the point and gave me 2 pages of fluff, others tried to bullshit their way through and others used the "spray and pray" method where they floated around the point but never really made a solid argument. 
I have a feeling that I may turn into "that prof" who's cool in the classroom but marks like a son-of-a-bitch.  I have no problem being a tough marker.  I mean, I'm not going to give marks where they're not deserved and my expectations are quite high. 
After last night's experience, I don't think I'm going to enjoy marking the midterm.  Dang. 

On the plus side, it was beautiful out today.  Chaos and I went for a good long walk, the first walk since we've been home from Christmas holidays.  She's pretty exhausted right now.  It's a good thing. 

I gave into my addiction on Friday.  I went to the bookstore and came home with a book.  It's called "Star Wars and Philosophy".  I know, lame title.  I read the first few pages and it actually looks pretty good.  I also picked up some Moleskine journals for 1/2 price.  I was pretty stoked about that. 

...so does that make me dark and twisty?

The more I learn about the material properties of bone the more I want to learn about bones.  I love bones.  There are few things that are more perfect and amazing than bones and joints.  A really good beer ranks right up there, but bones still win. 

I thought they were pretty cool to start with, but after an evening of diving into project-related literature, I think I may have found my Mistress....or Mister, if that's what they call the dude that you're cheating on your husband with....if I had a husband.....

Neat fact for the day: a running person will put so much stress on their tibia (big bone in the lower leg) that it ranges between the yield strength (force required to start plastic deformation) and the ultimate strength (force to snap...because bone is more brittle than ductile), which is a really narrow range to start with.  Taking what they teach us about metals or brittle ceramics, in theory our bones should be breaking every time we land on a running stride.  Wicked hey!?  Also, figuring all this shit out is even more complicated because bone has the ability to regenerate itself.  Wonderful bone-building cells (osteoblasts) go in and fix little tiny stress fractures that we don't even notice and most of the time can't even detect.  AMAZING!!  How many metals can you think of that have the ability to regenerate themselves?  I didn't think so.  I'll come back when you can get me a real answer and not something that came up on Star Trek. 

We're taught to design stuff so that the stress is well below the yielding stress...the amount of force required to start yielding (or breaking if you want to look at it in pseudo-correct terms)...so well below that it can withstand 1.5 or 2 times the force before it snaps.  Obviously someone didn't read the safety manual when they went to design bones....or did they???  I dunno, I find this little tidbit puzzling, amazing and incredibly wicked, right up there with the so-close-to-perfect-and-frictionless-cartilage fact.  Sure makes me appreciate the wonder of the living body that much more. 

Right now, I'm loving my project.  Bones are the coolest thing! EVER!

"We're going to have to move past Fourier transforms and start thinking about quantum mechanics."

Tonight I watched part of Transformers when I got home, partly because I want to be Optimus Prime when I grow up (note the present tense, I STILL want to be Optimus Prime if I ever grow up) and partly because the scientific-based dialogue is so epically awful that I feel much smarter and better about myself after I've watched it.  Don't let the poorly verified writing take away from just how awesome this movie is though...there's a lot of shit that gets blown up, not as much as Transformers II, but still a lot of shit that gets blown up....and did I mention Optimus Prime.....

I needed the little smartness boost after my Spectroscopy class.  I couldn't remember first-year chemistry or physics for the life of me, and I honestly haven't taken a chemistry class since my first first-year.  For those in-the-know, that's 11 years ago.  I'm not even sure if the shit they tried to teach me is still fuckin' relevant.  Either way, I have this sinking feeling that I sold my first-year phys-chem and organic-chem textbooks.  I'm kind of wishing that I had enough foresight to hang onto those little (or big....I think that's why I sold them....) buggers. 

To help myself feel better I got a textbook on basic spectroscopy and quantum mechanics from the library.  Did you know that you can get books out for a 9-month period.  The two texts aren't due until SEPTEMBER!  Yay!  I just hope that they're useful and I don't lose them in the meantime.

I had a good teaching day today even if the class content was a little dry.  The first few classes are about foundational theory, and I try to make it as interesting as I can, but a lot of the time you get lost in the subject matter and it's really hard to make it fun.  I think I'll throw an example at them on Thursday, get a little more discussion and have fewer people fall asleep.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the boring one.  Hell, most days I'm my own three-ring-circus....audience included, but today was an exception.  Hopefully I can liven it up for Thursday.  Maybe sleep will help....

....but not until after a little bit of internetting.  When I was hunting for a picture of Optimus Prime, I found this.  It's pretty awesome.  Now I really want to be Optimus Prime......really. 

Next time, I'm wearing a warmer jacket.

I think I spent more time waiting for the bus today than I spent riding it. 

I lost the Battle of the Blankets and slept in a little bit this morning....by about 2 hours.  I didn't think it was that big of a deal so I ate breakfast and started looking at an assignment.  I think sleeping in was a blessing in disguise because I ended up spending the morning digging through old notes to help me out with the assignment. 
Noon came and went and I figured that I should maybe get my little behind to school.  I waited at the bus stop for 25 mins across the street from my building.  I think that should have been an omen for what the day could possibly bring.  After that, I waited at the Confed mall for another 20 mins and on the way home I waited 25 mins outside of Place Riel and 15 minutes at Confed mall again.  I traveled for 2 hours and 30 minutes to get to and from school.  I really hope today was a blip on the radar.  Next time I'm going to wear a bigger jacket.  It's bloody cold when the sun goes down.  I got home over an hour ago and I'm still chilled.  I'm going to have a warm bubbly bath. 

On another unrelated note, I'm reading Martin Luther King Jr.'s 1967 CBC Massey Lecture.  It's actually really good, kind of preachy, but I mean he was a Preacher by trade.  I figure it's fitting because today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  Maybe I'll be able to finish it in the bath tonight and start on Sookie Stackhouse novel #7.  I like to mix up my reading a little bit, one trashy novel for every 2 thought-provoking books.  Keeps my imagination going. 

This looks really familiar....

 

In this photo:  Materials text book from 2nd year, Civil Materials notes from 2nd year, laptop, HP, tv remote, cell phone, ME 898 Assignment, ME 898 notes, empty beer can, half-empty glass of beer, some dated sitcom on tv.  It's only missing the neglected puppy dog.  She was sitting on my lap until I got up to take a picture once I realized that this is total deja vu. 

Knowing that I need to get an 80 in my classes is starting to get to me.  Good thing I'm only taking 2 of them.....
One week in and I'm getting second thoughts. 

Boy, do I feel stupid.

So here I am, sitting at my computer, in the sweet-ass board room that I get to book for a couple of hours every week, trying to do a Fracture Mechanics assignment.  I feel like an idiot.  I'm trying to plot a stress-strain curve, find a few moduli (is that the plural of modulus....I have no idea) and a few calculations that I learned 5 years ago and it's taking me bloody long time. 
In the "Real World" we have programs that will do that shit for us so we can right to the meat and potatoes of the issue:  Will the damned thing fail?
Right now I miss the "Real World".  Maybe my assignment would be finished by now if I had that program or an attention span longer than a walnut.  Excel is powerful but it just doesn't cut it right now. 

On the plus side, today was an awesome class.  They just keep getting better.  The prep work is hell, mainly because I'm relearning the material and need to understand it so well that I can explain it, but it definitely pays off.  I think I had 11 out of 19 students that either spoke up, provided an opinion or asked a question today.  That's slightly better than 50%.  EPIC! 

Not...enough....hours....in...the....day....

When I had the idea of starting grad school, I had this fantastic (fantastic as in root word fantasy, not the awesome kind of fantastic) idea that I would keep regular hours and treat the sucker like a 9 to 5, or 9 to 4, or 10 to 6....or whatever have you.  So far it's attainable, I'm out every day by 8:30 and home every day by 5:30, but it's only the first week and I haven't been bombarded by assignments and projects and labwork and teaching and marking.....just the first one and the last two. 
Early on, to keep me on track, I told myself that if I'm finding I have to work later and later, I'm either procrastinating too much or running a really intense experiment that requires off-hours work.  I don't know how the other profs do it, but I already feel like I'm falling behind....and I'm sticking my nose to the grindstone for the most part.  I haven't even internetted on my lab computer yet, just e-mail. 
Honestly, I have no idea how come I didn't go crazy as an undergrad (or maybe I was crazy and didn't recognize it).  I have no idea how people do this with a small child at home....gahhhh.  Maybe 2.5 years of "real world" has left me spoiled and soft.  Perhaps. 
Either way, I figure if I sit myself down this weekend and burn through the material for the class that I'm teaching for lessons up until February break, I'll be able to at least make outlines and resort to reviewing on the couch the night before.  I know the stuff, I use it every day, but I need a really good refresher. 

On a side note, I re-learned a new term today:
"to yard-sale": v.  To stumble, trip or fall so badly that all of your belongings end up on the floor in a mess with a significant blast radius; to leave a situation in a state of disarray in such a fashion that it looks like every thing is every where in no state of organization, like a yard-sale. 
ie: Dude, I saw this kid totally yard-sale at the top of the stairs.  His shit was every where!  Even the crap from his pockets, everything!
Thanks Nelly, I'm totally using that in my class tomorrow morning to help illustrate face loss. 

Saw this picture.....love it

Today was another good teaching day.  The first 10 minutes started off a little rocky, but after the review and once I had settled in, everything turned out really well. 
Today was a content-heavy class and I did turn into one of those profs that I dread.  You know, the ones that read right off their notes and have their faces to the board all class.  OK, so it wasn't all class, maybe only 60%, but still.  I guess when you have notes that need to be taken the options are limited.  I didn't write all of my discussion notes on the board, but I was really tempted to.  We did fire through a few examples, so I guess there was ample discussion time.  They seemed to get the point, so I'm counting that as a small victory. 
After the class, I asked for questions, comments and feedback, mostly for the formality of keeping the lines of communication open and showing the students that they shouldn't be afraid to ask for clarification.  I really wasn't expecting anyone to pipe up.  One student surprised me and gave me some feedback.  He mentioned that he was really happy to see that I was open to other opinions and that some profs can be real asses when they hear something that they don't agree with.  I was happy to hear that...not that other profs were asses, but happy to hear that someone has recognized that I'm trying to create an open mind.  I mentioned that although opinions matter, they aren't the be-all, end-all of this class.  What really counts is that you're able to back up your opinion.  Life lesson of the day:  Be able to back it all up. 

The one thing I'm not looking forward to is grading their first assignment.  I just glanced at them today.  Overall they look pretty decent.  I guess I'll learn more when I sort them out tomorrow.  I could be very surprised. 

Chaos was very happy to see me after work today.  The only difference from yesterday is that I was happy to see that she hadn't dragged my crochet all over the living room today. 

Do you feel like the gambling type?

I wasn't planning on posting today but I went out for drinks with some friends and was inspired.  They had mentioned that they were wondering how soon I'd go back to school, if I'd go all the way to a Ph. D. etc, etc.  One mentioned that she should have bet money on the deal....
At the start, this is how I see the odds:  (I really don't want to jinx myself, but I figure I'll have some fun with it)

5 to 3 that I finish within 24 months
6 to 5 that I finish within 30 months
5 to 4 that I go all the way through to a Ph.D.
4 to 1 that I go directly from the Master's to the Ph.D.
6 to 1 that I stay in Saskatchewan
8 to 7 that I continue to be awesome
10 to 9 that I become even more nerdy than my current state
14 to 1 that I snap and lose it before April
5 to 1 that I snap and lose it before September
3 to 1 that I snap and lose it before next January

I'm not making any odds about losing data or some pain in the ass like that because if I do, it'll happen and then it's 1 to 1 odds that I lose my shit that day. 

Have fun at the races kids. 

Something tells me I'm into something good

Simple things get me kind of excited. 

I got my keys today.  I have a home!  Very stoked.

I didn't know what to do today, I didn't have class and I wasn't teaching, so I decided to do some "research" in the Health Sciences Library.  I found a pretty clutch book to start with on orthopedic mechanics....basic, general, in terms I can understand....something rare for a text book.  I got excited about this. 

In the first few pages I got really excited about a neato factoid I found.  The coefficient of friction for the average, standard, run-of-the-mill human cadaver knee between cartilage planes ranges from 0.005 to 0.02.  I thought, and still think, that this is the coolest thing, pretty much ever.  COF for 2 pieces of steel together is about 0.6 to 0.8, teflon surfaces have a COF of about 0.1 (don't ask me how I know this.....).  The closer to 0, the less friction....making the knee damned-near perfect.  SWEET-ASS-SWEET!   (simple things......)

I bumped into one of my previous Profs this afternoon whom we affectionately call "Uncle Terry".  Turns out when you put "Uncle Terry" and "Auntie Dena" in the same room for about an hour, we can come up with a pretty wicked plan on how to make sense the BioEng program, including a nifty diagram.  I hope that it's useful because it was a pretty amazing experience.  (simple things....)

On that note, it's really cool knowing that I have a pretty solid stack of mentors to lean on and share ideas with.  Terry and I got talking about my program, my project, my teaching and how cool it is that I've found something I'm passionate about and am actually able to find a group of brilliant people to work, teach, learn and grow with so close to home and the people I care about.  I do believe that there's a time, a place and a reason for everything.  This is my time and my place.  I'm sure I'll find out the reason when I'm ready.  Until then, I have a feeling I could really enjoy the ride. 

I got called "Professor Burnett" today by one of my buddies.  It felt kind of awkward at first, like I was an imposter.  "Professor" is a big name to live up to in my books.  Right now though, I'm feeling pretty good about it.  They may be big shoes to fill but it sounds like I have a pretty awesome team to help me out.  

Small Victories

I'm not going to make this a long post but I figured that I should post something as today was pretty monumental.  I taught my first class today....all by myself.  On the plus side, it didn't crash and burn....at all....really....I think. 
The good things

• There's only 20 students in my class, so I think I have most of the names down....most.  I'm sure I'll forget who's who by Monday, but I'll be able to plough through it.  
• I didn't make a complete ass of myself....only partially.  I was completely honest with them and was frank about telling them that this is my first class and not everyone can be perfect off the bat.  In fact, I'm using them as guinea pigs to help me build my skills.  "We'll all learn together" is what I told them.  They seemed to be pretty apprehensive at the beginning but they warmed up to me, I think.  Chalk one up for me.  
• I was told by a student: "Your neuroses help make you more human and a little easier to relate to".  I'm taking it as a compliment.  I'll face it, I'm unique, and not unique in a quirky way.  Unique as in "Dude, I hope they let her out on a day-pass" way.  I may or may not have mentioned and exhibited my tendencies for OCD.  
• I had 4 or 5 students participating in a discussion and 6 more cracking a smile.  SMALL VICTORY!  I wasn't expecting them to open up and provide answers so quickly.  I did have to probe them quite a bit, but I think I got everyone comfortable enough to start discussing in a discussion-based-class.  HUGE VICTORY!  The way I see it, this week I have 4 discussing, in 3 weeks I have 10 discussing and by 14 weeks I have 18 of them discussing.  Feel the Win!

The bad things

• The class could easily turn into "Story Time with Auntie Dena".  As much fun as "Story Time with Uncle Terry" was, I actually want to get through some course material instead of ranting and following the rabbit trail to the brown site at the corner of Clarence and 8th.  
• I wasn't able to fill the full 80 minutes, and let them go 10 minutes early.  I don't think they'll mind, and I did warn them that we're likely going to blast through the material quicker than the other classes.  Lesson learned: Pace myself and don't get too excited....so maybe this one is a small victory in disguise.  

I did some "work" at home tonight to compensate for leaving school at 2:00.  I found some journal articles and have a list of books to hunt for tomorrow.  It didn't really feel like work.  I'm sure that will change.  Everything still has the rosy glow.  I like it that way. 

Also, I'd like to thank Grill for the game of "Guess who this is!" when it came to helping me fill my new phone with lost numbers.  I owe you a beer. 

Excuse me, I think the snow by your feet is vibrating....

As far as "first days" go, today was definitely one for the books.  I had more papers to sign, met with my advisor, got my 2nd office (er, desk), lost my cell phone....yeah the usual stuff. 

At this point in the day, I'm more concerned about losing my cell phone.  It's somewhere in between the Engineering building, the Bowl, Louis' and Place Riel.  I phoned it a couple of times and there was no answer, so I'm assuming it's a lost cause.  That's not the big deal, it would have had 3 SOLID years of use in March and is a little worse for wear.  The back cover is hanging on by a bead of solder.  I was planning on getting it replaced soon anyways so I'm not worried about the value of the phone, or the information in it for that matter.  I bet half of the phone numbers that I've collected over the years are outdated and likely need to be refreshed anyways.  I'll wait until tomorrow afternoon and if I don't hear anything I'll just go and get a new one.  I did have my home number on the home screen so if it is found, at least there's the remote possibility of me getting it back. 

I'm not the first person I know of who's lost or killed a phone either....cough cough Corrigan I mean you!  Hell, it seems like maybe once a week or so I get an e-mail or message from someone wanting my number because they've lost their phone.  I'm not gonna sweat it.  Losing your phone happens.  You pick up and move on. 

What I am gonna sweat though is that I lost my phone because of my own dumbassery and absentmindedness.  I just left or dropped it somewhere!  It had been to many fields and back and had survived soil digs, quadding, hunting, NYC, seeding, combining, moving cattle, barn-building and many other things that had much higher potential for breakage!  There were so many opportunities for a ball-busting "how my phone got destroyed" story and I can't even say that it got run over by a steam-roller or some shit like that.  I didn't lose it in some epic sob story.  I left it sitting somewhere! If I would have dropped it in a field and driven over it I wouldn't be so broken up about this shit.  I lost my phone because I'm a moron!  There was a point in my life, not too long ago, where I was proud of the fact that I had possessed the exact same phone for almost 3 years without a terrible mishap.  Apparently Life has a sense of humor and needs a slap in the face.  I'll be happy to use my boot thank-you.  

Either way, I have a feeling I'll be getting an upgrade tomorrow.  I guess it's time.  Still not sure about getting a smart phone again though.  I really didn't use all the features, I really don't need "internet at my fingers 24/7" and all that crap.  Just unlimited talk and text and service into the depths of the Engineering building.  That's all.  I'm sure the sales person will sell me a phone that will wipe my ass for me.  That would be cool. 

I did have that phone number for 10 years though.  I'll miss that number.  I'm sure my friends will too.  Maybe I'll get something neat that will actually spell something.  I wonder if Pat will let me buy a vowel, or at least a sweet-ass acronym. 

"I don't go to school Ma, I work at a university!"

I had my first day of "work" today, mostly meetings and such.  Applied for my keys, figured out where my desk/office/lab was, booked a sweet-ass board room with a $70,000 table for an hour-and-a-half every Thursday from now until April, explained what standard deviation is to a humanities professor, pulled out my HP in a room full of humanities professors, got my lesson plan, killed about 80 trees in the process....you know the usual stuff. 

Either way, it sure as Hell didn't feel like work.  When I was making supper tonight, I had a scene from "The Big Bang Theory" go through my mind.  You know, the one where Penny calls Howard creepy and pathetic so he locks himself in his room.  The scene where Leonard calls Howard's house:

Howard’s Mother: Howard, the phone is ringing!
Howard: Here’s a crazy idea, Ma, answer it!
Howard’s Mother: Hello? All right, hold on. It’s your friend, Leonard! He wants to know why you’re not at school today!
Howard: I don’t go to school, Ma. I work at a university.
Howard’s Mother: That’s a school! Now pick up the phone!
Howard: I don’t want to talk to anybody.
Howard’s Mother: Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework?!
Howard: I don’t have homework. I’m a grown man with a master’s degree in engineering!

....and they go on to shout about fancy pants and popsicles.  In the end Penny apologizes and ends up punching Howard in the nose because he misinterpreted her apology as a pass at him.  Yeah, ran that scene in my head, I had to tell myself that I don't go to school, I work at a university. 

I got my class list today and about 40 pounds of teaching materials that I hope to unload into 20 impressionable minds and backpacks on Thursday.  Not many first-year grad students get to teach a class of their very own right off the bat.  Hell, some of them have to wait years until they can even start to TA.  I got lucky and once again Forrest Gumped my way into teaching an entire class on my own.  Right now it's all perfume and roses.  My mind may change after I get the first assignment and I find out that they all have no competence in using the English language.  Either way, I'm teaching a humanities class and I have the liberty to tell students if they're dumb-asses or not, so it should all work out in the end.  I look forward to being a hard-ass.  On the flip side, I seem to fit right in with the department and they seem to have a lot of trust in me, so that's cool. 

I had a few more random ideas milling around the ol' cranium today, but they've faded like last night's glo-sticks, so they must not have been that important for now. 

This could go over really well or it could crash and burn

I've thought about starting a blog before, but never really seemed to want to commit to it.  I guess right now is no better time.  I'm at a forced-turning-lane in my life and it just seems fitting to throw my ideas and experiences on paper....figuratively of course.

I decided to start grad studies in Biomedical Engineering.  I quit a pretty awesome, well-paying, industry-specific, full-benefitted, bigger-hammered, road-tripping, never-dull engineering job at a time where engineering jobs are a little tough to come by.  I thought the job was all I had dreamed about, but things change, as does my mind. 
I wasn't liking it anymore.  I was cranky, bitter, jaded, bitchy and tired.  Tired of trying to be a round peg in a square hole.  You can put a round peg in a square hole but it doesn't quite fit, the corners are still empty.  I was tired of trying to fill the corners, so I quit.  My co-workers said I was crazy to leave a steady paycheque to start even more schooling.  "You already have 2 degrees and 8 years behind you, and you're going back for MORE!!"  I always knew I was going back, it was just a matter of when. 
I woke up one morning and decided that I was too young to wake up pissed-off every morning and drag my ass to a place where I didn't really want to be.  Long-story-short, I Forrest Gumped my way into one of the most competitive programs at the U of S.  I finally found what I think could be a good fit for the next 2 or 3 years, or at least until I change my mind again.  My adviser is almost as chilled-out as I am and I get to break bones....literally.  So far it's pretty clutch.  I haven't started yet, so that could change pretty damned quickly.

 I'm going to throw a disclaimer out there right away.  The language could get pretty colourful and the opinions could be pretty obscene.  I have no shame.  I also have the mouth of a sailor, the ego and God-complex of a resident surgeon and the stubbornness of a bulldog.  I can guarantee that some of the things I write can and will most likely offend you.  Deal with it.  They're my opinions and I'm sure you have yours.  They may conflict and I have already accepted that.  Please do the same.  I like to pride myself on my honesty.  It's one of my many charms. 

Another one of my charms is my vivid imagination.  I'm rarely bored.  If I am, there's something deeper going on than simply nothing to see, think or do.  I tend to be wildly entertained with the simplest of things, like the word "fork".  I'm convinced that it's the funniest word in the English language.  I, and Steven Pinker, suppose that if you say the same word over and over again, it starts to sound banal and strange.  I like to take it one step further and make it hilarious.  Also funny....."bean". 

Deep down, I suppose this could just be another way for me to satisfy my need for narcissistic endeavours.  So beit.  This blog does have the potential to be a very creative outlet, possibly encasing every known emotion and perhaps others that can't be described in the English language....like Schadenfreude, I love Schadenfreude.  It could be a wild ride, or it could crumble and fall.....who knows.